One year ago today, February 6th 2008, put changes in motion which would affect my entire life. This day was my first Oasis Divorce Recovery Class, my first experience with a church in over two years, and my first real attempt to talk about my divorce.
I'm supposed to be working on my big project right now but I can't. I promised God I'd come to Starbucks and get right into the code, after I checked my email and my news. It was my mission today, it was my goal, it was the one thing I PROMISED God I would do.
But I'm not doing it. Instead I'm sitting here writing this blog post and God couldn't be happier. Why? Because it's something He's had on my heart for a long time. It started with a concern for a friends brother, grew into a concern for my niece when she gets older and through other avenues has turned into a concern for my future kids.
So excuse me while I indulge in this. If you find it useful pass it along. If you have your own advice leave a comment. If you think I'm wrong, leave a comment or email me but don't feel like you have to be silent.
But I have to write this. So here goes....
I did something amazing Friday night.
I ran three miles non-stop.
I also did something which in the grand schemes of things is small.
I feel like that cat sometimes. Trying to do one simple task and I get all wrapped up in the strings of distractions, or just overwhelmed with my own stupid silly thoughts.
I do that a lot, have stupid thoughts.
One of my biggest and most stupid thought is "was I supposed to do / say that?" I constantly doubt myself or wrestle with decisions I know I NEED to make. I have gotten a lot better at pushing these doubts out and two things have made this an easier process to grasp and put into practice.
Obedience & Patience
I got a comment on an older post the other day and to me it was an answer from God for a prayer I've had recently. You see I love this blog, I love blogging and I love sharing myself with all of you. The struggle I have though, is knowing when to share and when to just be silent. Sometimes I get so moved to write something and then I struggle to put the words onto paper. Those are the moments where I need to just write what I can, then step away. Other times though, the posts mysteriously just flow from my mind, to my finger tips and find their way onto my blog.
I see the amazing things my words and thoughts have on those who read them. I see it when friends take a post and then talk about it with their small group. I see it when I get comments from total strangers about how much this post meant to them. I see it when a reader is so distraught about their struggles that they can only post an anonymous comment.
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