So yea by all accounts I was a normal kid growing up and doing all the right things in life. Everything seemed to be in place for me to continue growing up and become a great christian man.
So what happened?
Life, temptation, ignorance, selfish desires and a whole lot more.
You can never pin point the exact point in time you fall from Grace or turn you back on God and Jesus. You don't even wake up one morning and go "Hey God, I don't really need you. Thanks for everything so far but I've got it from here." If we did then it'd be so easy to turn around and say "Hey God, you remember that morning I woke up and well blew you off. Yea I'm really sorry about that.What do you say we do it your way."
My fall started when my friends started leaving the youth group. They left for many reason. School, college, disinterest etc. When they left I tried to stay around and stick it out. I stayed involved as a volunteer helping the next round of kids coming through. I'd listen to their problems and try to help them out. I'd talk about God, life and anything else troubling them. But my heart wasn't there and over time I too left the group. Then I started not going to church on sundays and pretty soon I was just another lost soul in life.
Now I still had Jesus with me. I had accepted him into my life and heart during my youth days. But I didn't acknowledge him. Andy Stanley says we tend to keep him in a backpack. Well I'd taken that backpack and tossed it in the back of the closet, buried it under clothes, blankets and anything else I could find to hide it. I didn't need Him I was doing just fine. Besides in my mind he had failed me so many times. I mean that cute girl in social studies never talked to me so obviously God wasn't listening to my prayers.
Yep my slope was slippery and I was sailing down it fast. I started picking the rules I would follow and creating my own set of moral standards. I compromised everything I used to stand for in order to make new friends and new relationships. As I got older my judgment got more cloudy and my mistakes and sins got worse and worse. I'm not going to air my dirty laundry here but you can pretty much guess what was going on. Just watch the TV, Movies or music videos and while I wasn't having pool parties with hundreds of bikini clad models all sporting bottles of Cristal, I wasn't living a Christ like life either.
I'd turn to God when things got really bad but I never liked his response or lack of responses. I never developed a real relationship with Him and never understood Him so it really is no wonder why I walked away. I even had the classic arguments and mind set against religion and God. I questioned everything and was never satisfied with the answers I received.
No relationship. No Understanding. No Hope.
But there was hope. God knew what my path was going to be (and IS going to be) and he was patient while I did what I did. When I was ready to come back he was there for me with open arms, not judging me, not criticizing me, and not wanting to relive the past. But that is another blog post....
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