Jonese's Blog

I love Pandora. For someone like me it is the perfect musical fix. I put in a few artist I like and then start telling the service when I like or dis-like a song. Over time it's learns all about my musical tastes and I get play lists geared towards me.

I've discovered a lot of great music this way, while also reconnecting with some old favorites. Today a new (to me at least) Sister Hazel song came up right off the bat. The song was called "Your Mistake" and one chorus really struck me, it went like so:

I wanna be good
I wanna be great
I wanna be everything
except for your mistake

These lines are pretty powerful just on their own. How many times have you thought you wanted to be good, great or someones everything? I think we all want the best and want to be the best for their friends, family, spouses, bosses etc. No one ever wakes up and says "Boy today would be a great day to really screw up!"

However more times then often we end up putting the proverbial boot in our mouth. We say something stupid. We overreact or under-react. We do something we know we shouldn't but curiosity gets the best of us. We jump ahead or we fall behind.

This song, along with some friends recent blog posts (1 & 2) have really put it on me to look at who I am. I think as Christians this is something we should do regularly in order to avoid falling into one of the many stereotypes we get tagged with.

I wish I could say that my journey has been a good one, or ever a great one. In reality it's been a very painful one. I've realized that my promise I made back in Oct to give it all to Him hasn't been followed 100%. It's been more like 75% and sometimes it's even dipped down to the 50% range. I got comfortable with the way life is and where it was going. I figured, I had it all figured out or at least understood his plan.

See that's the thing if you ever "think" you have his plan figured out, that is usually when you absolutely, do not have it figured out. I call it the Christian Numbness and it's scary how it can creep up and overtake you. What's even worse is that most of the time we have no idea it's happening or it's happened. Most people get to this point and the only way they come out of it is when something bad happens which forced them to refocus back onto Him.

I really am fortunate that I've got a God who understands me better then I understand myself.

He knew I was going here.
He knew what He needed to do to get my attention.
He has the ability to totally forgive me and put me right.

There is something so humbling and freeing at the same time about this process. So what did I discover? Where was I getting numb? A few places actually, some might surprise you and others might not.

1. My humility needed a gut check.
2. Focus on His desires needed more focus.
3. Need to get real with some people in my life I've let slack off.
4. Need to feed my soul, something I've felt starving but ignored.
5. Need to pray more, not just when it's convenient.
6. Need to spend more time learning from those willing to teach me.

So yea it's a short list but it's also a list I can do something about. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I would have let the numbness really take over.

So what's on your list?