Jonese's Blog

I'm supposed to be working on my big project right now but I can't. I promised God I'd come to Starbucks and get right into the code, after I checked my email and my news. It was my mission today, it was my goal, it was the one thing I PROMISED God I would do.

But I'm not doing it. Instead I'm sitting here writing this blog post and God couldn't be happier. Why? Because it's something He's had on my heart for a long time. It started with a concern for a friends brother, grew into a concern for my niece when she gets older and through other avenues has turned into a concern for my future kids.

So excuse me while I indulge in this. If you find it useful pass it along. If you have your own advice leave a comment. If you think I'm wrong, leave a comment or email me but don't feel like you have to be silent.

But I have to write this. So here goes....

To my son, daughter, niece, nephew or any other guy or girl out there living life.

I'm 32 as I sit here at a Starbucks writing this on my Apple Laptop. By the time you read this, who knows maybe none of that will make sense or it will be stuff found in a museum. I'm sure you look at me as many generations of the past have looked at their "older folks".

You see me as set in my ways. Unable to connect or understand what you're going through. Just some old guy who's trying to live vicariously through you.

You are so right.

But I beg you to listen to me, if nothing else so you can argue with me later about how right you are and how wrong I am.

I've been there. I've had my heart broken. I've been grounded when I did nothing wrong. I've had my best friend turn his back on me. I've been made fun of, criticized for my thoughts and beliefs. I've been called names, had my stuff stolen and vandalized. I've been beat up, put down and walked all over.

But I survived.

I've also learned about true love and friendship. I've made friends now who would kill just to have 5 min of my time and I theirs. I've had old friends turn back towards me with heavy hearts, only to learn that all is forgiven. I still get made fun of but most of the time it's by people I love and trust. I've learned to be strong in my beliefs, voice my opinion in a loving way and to not be walked on. I've been lifted up, put back together, and am walking forward now.

Trust me when I say that whatever your worst pain is right now, it doesn't matter. What matters is how you learn from it, move forward away from it, and grow.

This is what I wish someone would have told me so many years ago. Pain and failure is not something which should be turned away, or buried deep inside of you. No it's something you should share, experience and most of all grow from.

Start to look at life's failures, the hardships, the good, the bad and the ugly, as opportunities to grow. When you are sad figure out why and learn to prevent it in the future. When you are happy embrace it and make sure you do more of it. When a good friend asks how you are, tell them the truth, don't sugar coat it or force a smile just so you don't burden them with your "stuff". If you cannot be real with your friends, even when it might hurt them, then what makes you think you can be real with yourself?

The key to all of this is to be you.

You have thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions and values which are yours. You will find people who will challenge one or all of those things. Some of these people will turn out to be your greatest allies while others will be people you should avoid.

Do not let anyone change you to fit their mold.

If you believe in something stick to it, even if it means losing a friend or having someone you care about walk away from you. In the long run this person will respect you more for sticking to your guns versus bowing down to their ideas.

Find God before He's forced to find you and once you find Him NEVER let Him go.

My greatest journey has been the journey back to my Heavenly Father. It is in Him that I find peace, love, forgiveness and most of all hope. There will be many times in your life where you will be forced to make a decision which could cause you to turn your back on God, walk away from God or just ignore Him.

Notice I said it was a journey BACK to Him. I walked away pretty hardcore. Shut him off, put him in a closet and buried Him with all kinds of distractions. Stuff which had no real value or substance, stuff which at one point I wished I could take back but now just give it to Him. This time of my life was probably the loneliest, most painful time I've ever experienced, but I didn't know that until I was able to look back on it.

Do not let yourself walk away from Him.

What seems like a good idea now will have dire consequences later in life. God has an amazing plan for you and all this heartache, pain, joy, hope, and fear is natural. Your parents, aunts and uncles will be there for you when they can, but God will always be there for you. He will listen to your hopes, your dreams, your fears and yes even your complaints.

Do not be afraid to scream at God.

He wants to have all of you not just part of you. He doesn't want just the good from you, He wants the bad, the ugly and the stuff you don't want to share. He will guide you through all of this if you let Him. I promise you that for every bad thing, ugly thing, or fearful thought you have and give to Him, He will bless you beyond all thought.

I made a lot of bad decision in my life which have left me with "baggage" as they say nowadays. This baggage used to be something I would bring with me everywhere I went. Every relationship I had, I would hide the baggage hoping they would never open the closet and find it. My friendships would only see the bright side of my life and never the darker secrets. My family only knew what I told them and only when I knew they wouldn't "get on me" about it.

Do not hide your baggage. In fact avoid creating baggage at all costs. But if you do have baggage don't hide it, share it with people you trust. Talk about it and God will use it to help others. Trust God more then you trust me.

Know that I will always love you.

No matter what I say, or do, or how I act. All of it is out of love for you. If you don't believe me then ask me, as I will have no problem proving my love to you. I know you will hate me at times, not understand the choices I make for you, or the advice I offer you. But know that I make these choices, these tough calls, out of love for you and wisdom which I have gained from my past.

My prayer for you is simple. That God gives me the wisdom to use my pain, my hurt and my experience to allow you to live the best life ever, so one day you can do the same for your kids.