Jonese's Blog

Ok so I am finally taking some time to blog and not just make promises about blogging, or telling you to be patient!

I've had a few days to process 7|22 and I've taken sometime today to just decompress from the week. It was a wonderful week really and I am amazed with the discoveries I'm stumbling into each day. Some of my discoveries are new and shocking, while others are just an affirmation that I am on the right path. It's sad really to think that it's taken me 32 years to fully embrace God and his love. Sure in my younger years I was all about it, going to church, active in the youth group and doing everything else I was supposed to. But my faith wasn't centered where it should have been, it was based on friendships, and others around me. So when friends stopped going to church, and the youth group thinned out I stopped going, stopped being active and stopped caring.

The next years I would go to church when my folks made me, typically this was with just my mother and sister. But when I went I wasn't "there" or involved. Sure I'd listen to the messages, read the hymns (remember I didn't sing back then), and pray when the pastor prayed. But as soon as we walked out into the parking lot I was done. Cleansed and ready for another week. While in college I never really thought about church or religion at all. Sure I'd pray but only when I needed something and they were always selfish prayers. God please help me get X, or make Y happen, or if you just grant me this one X I'll never do A, B or C again. Sometimes I'd get X but I'd still do A, B, C and when I didn't get X you KNOW I did A, B and C.

Years went by and I made a lot of bad decision with my life. Each time thinking I could do better the next time. I kept thinking I was missing something. Life wasn't going the way I wanted it to. Failed relationships were all around me. In 2007 my world crashed like the Hindenberg. My marriage of almost 5 years was over. My job was at a plateau. I had no real friends in Atlanta. I didn't feel like I could talk to any of my old friends. I was so very alone.

Then one weekend in October I woke up to a gentle winter rain. I love the rain and as a young chap I used to go running all the time in the rain, or at night. So I got the crazy idea that I was going to go running. I bundled up as best as I could, laced up my running shoes (which were practically brand new) and started to run. Within 5 min I figured I had made a bad decision since the rain was cold and stung with each drop against my face. My legs screamed at me to stop and my lungs cried out in pain with this horrible torture known as "exercise". But I persisted on. I needed to reconnect with my old self. I needed to find the old Eric, the one I yearned to be again. Back when things were simpler and I didn't have to worry about "life". I probably ran for a good 3 miles that day. I finally got to a point where I just couldn't go any further. I stopped and sat down on the side of the road and sprawled out in some strangers yard. There I laid, tired, in pain, cold, and on top of all this it was still raining and I honestly believe it was starting to rain harder and colder.

I didn't care. I had hit rock bottom. You've heard it a thousand times, and you'll hear it a thousand more. This was my moment. This was when I gave up and gave in. I remember praying to God and telling Him I had no idea what the hell I was doing with my life. I told him I was done trying to control my life. I didn't know any of the answers and that I was a complete failure. I asked him to help me, to guide me, to be in control of my life. I was giving it to Him. I kid you not but at that point the rain slowed up, it didn't stop it just slowed up. I continued my prayer telling him I was sorry for abandoning Him, sorry for all the mistakes I've made in my past. Sorry for all the wrong decisions I had made and all the crooked paths I had taken. I finished with these words "God I'm giving my life to You because it is only through You that I can live."

I laid on the ground for what seemed like forever but was probably only a few minutes. The rain finally stopped and I pulled myself up off the wet ground. I didn't run home, I walked but I wasn't cold, I wasn't sore, I wasn't in pain at all. I felt warm, alive, and most of all loved. I know some of you might be reading this and probably doubting it, or trying to explain it. I'm not one to exaggerate or to read into things but I truly believe that I felt the way I did because for the first time in my life I not only had God and his love on my side, but I believed it.

I got home that afternoon, took a hot bath, crawled back into bed and slept the best nights sleep I'd slept in a long time. When I woke up the next morning I signed up for a divorce care class at Buckhead Church. I also pinged some friends to find a new job. By January of 2008 I was enrolled in a divorce care group and had a new job with a great group. Shortly there after I started going to church and to 7|22. I haven't missed a sunday or a 7|22 yet.

Why did I tell you all this? Because this is my story, this is who I am, and it's how I got to where I am today. If you compared the me of today with the me of a few years back you wouldn't think they were the same person. I'm also telling you this because it's important that we remember the past, and learn from it. It's also important that we enjoy the present and look to the future. My future is bright, I know this because I'm walking into it with God. For the first time my future doesn't involve me looking for "someone special", or relying on my friends to fulfill my needs. I'm not looking to my parents wondering why they did or didn't do a, b or c. I've put my entire trust in God and every morning, and every night I thank him for the blessing of the day. I also thank him for the tribulations he puts me through. God gets thanked for the good and the bad things which happen to me because each moment is a chance to praise him, or learn.

What does this have to do with 7|22? You really need to watch it to fully understand. But the short story is we all have a story. Our life up to this point is a story God has either helped to write, or has watched us write. God wants to be a co-author of our lives. He has wonderful things planned for all of us, if we'll just take the time to listen and figure out what that thing is. For me it's writing. I've always loved writing, but it wasn't till this past tuesday that I realized it's what God wants me to do. He made this blog possible, and he has given me the strength and dare I say wisdom to put these thoughts out here. I don't know what the ultimate plan is but I know that right now this is what I need to be doing and I'm doing it with God.